Looking for Mr. Darcy ~ A Guest Post by Sarah Elizabeth

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Sigh. I remember writing poems about my Mr. Darcy and future romance once upon a time, though it was all but a dream. Even though I wanted desperately to believe otherwise. Little did I know back then about the true depths and uniqueness that there was to romance. You see, I thought romance was all crimson colored rose petals and candle lit dinners under the stars and bold exclamations of ardent love, shouted aloud from rooftops for all the birds of the world to hear, just to make a girl like me swoon and fall to pieces. But love isn't always filled with the super romantic happenings and gushings that we've built up in our imaginations after all.


Gasp. I know. I feel like I just shattered something completely priceless, but please bear with me for a little while longer, okay? It's not that I hate romance or Mr. Darcy, on the contrary, I love both actually. It's just that I don't particularly like how a girl's preconceived notions of love and romance can ruin her chances of seeing what true romance and love really are when they are shown to her one day.


Now I'll go out on a limb and be completely honest right here and right now... I used to think "Mr. Darcy" would be my guy. I thought that I'd find the "perfect man" who was tall, mysterious, had his life all sorted out and said the most perfect words to me all of the time. Seriously, I had my "Mr. Darcy" and my life plans all mapped out textbook style. My love was gonna be like the world's most romantic movie ever. Simply perfection in my eyes. Yes, I was going to have a love like that! And then one Summer day in July of '09 (after I had sworn off love entirely) I did meet a guy, after twenty years of waiting for him mind you, who is somewhat tall, pretty mysterious at times and can write words, on occasion, that are perfect for me, though they would not be seen as so perfect to some others' eyes. I met my Mr. Right and So-Not-Mr-Darcy-Guy.

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Sometimes focusing on looking for the "Mr. Darcy" type of romance in a current or future love-filled relationship can hinder you in ways that seem unclear to us ladies, at first. I mean it's not like Mr. Darcy was perfection itself, but we do seem to label him that way, don't we? Lizzy and Darcy: The World's Most Perfect Romance. Um, I think we forgot about the hotheadedness and the quarrelling between the both of them throughout the original novel and various film versions, didn't we? They weren't perfect at all, and their romance was completely unique. That said, why compare romance to fictional characters' or even someone else's romance in real life when we could have our own unique romance? Can I get an Amen!?

Here's the scoop ladies: Guys are pretty much clueless on how to romance us at times, mostly because they are afraid to even try because of the possibility of failure. Yes, they are afraid! Afraid that they'll never live up to our idolization of Mr. Darcy and his various other romantical cohorts' (insert various other names from movies and lit here) glistening perfection. This all kind of shocked me too when I realized this a while back, but I know it's completely true because romance, at least in my relationship, has been anything but "by the textbook" or even predictable. There have been times when I was looking for a "Mr. Darcy Moment" and was let down because I had dreamed about how it was "supposed to be" for so long that when my guy tried romancing me I cast it aside because I thought it wasn't "right" or "good enough." But then there were also other times in my relationship where my Mr. Fisher romanced me in very subtle and unique ways all his own, that spoke volumes of his sincere love for me.

It was in looking for Mr. Darcy within my own Mr. Fisher that I became discouraged for a time, because I wasn't receiving rooftop ballads or brilliantly written sonnets or roses on every special occasion. Now, I will say that my love does do extremely romantic things for me, you know, like the ones that are "textbook accurate" and romance novel-ish and completely predictable at times, but I actually have come to love his own unique ways of romancing me too.

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I only wished that I had seen romance in a different, non nonsensical, light sooner rather than later. I'm sure my love would've thanked me for not dissing his romance style had I done so earlier on, but... I didn't. I had to learn the hard way...through trials and error upon error...that every man is not Mr. Darcy after all. Romance can be just like a fairy tale, ladies, but it can also come masquerading as it's own unique brand of love sweetly shown. This is obviously true when in comes to my love. My Mr. Fisher is nothing like "Mr. Darcy", but he is "Mr. Right" in my eyes because he has shattered every preconceived notion I ever had of what romance and love would really be like. We are our own completely unique couple and therefore we have our own completely unique romance.

You know, love and romance sometimes come quietly and unexpectedly, and sometimes it woos a woman in ways she'd never imagined possible before. Sometimes romance comes through the blunder of well intended words turned into a disastrous wreckage that teaches us more about love than the perfect words ever could. Sometimes romance is found in the smaller moments, like the brushing of an eyelash off of your face ever so delicately, that are just as meaningful as the bigger moments, but are often overlooked because they aren't dime-store romance novel-like or movie-like or grand-gesture-like enough for us ladies.


Each man is completely different and the way in which your future love will romance you will be completely different from any novel or movie character you've ever drooled over or any way you've ever dreamed of being romanced before.

And here's where I'm gonna step off of my romantic suds-covered soapbox now. I pray that you've truly seen my heart on this, and that you'll be able to kindly take to heart what I've learned over the past 2.5 years through so much trial and error within my own romantic relationship. "Remember to never compare your romance to those you watch in the movies, because they're written by scriptwriters, and yours is written by God."

May you have the best of luck in love and romance,
from one fellow daydreaming Lizzy to another



Sarah Elizabeth is a bookseller by day and a writer by night. She's a twenty-something She Speaks'11 Graduate, an avid reader, blogger, sci-fi movie watcher and a hopeful romantic who's been in love with her totally unique mister for 2.5 years going strong. When she's not stocking bookshelves and drooling over the newest fiction titles that have been released at work, she can be found nestled in at home, writing on her personal blog Oh, Restless Bird (about her faith-filled restless life), or working on writing her very first novel called The Water Bringer (which she started writing during NaNoWriMo '11.) You can find Sarah Elizabeth on her blog O.R.B. and on Twitter@OhRestlessBird  


A special thank you to Miss Raquel for letting this Restless Bird take over God's Daughter for a day! I really appreciate being able to share my (ever learning) romantic heart with your lovely readers! ALWAYS LOOK FOR GOD TO WRITE YOUR ROMANCE, RAQUEL! ;-) XOXO, Sarah Elizabeth